10 Proven Techniques for Successfully De-Escalating Children's Big Emotions

When a child's emotions become overwhelming, it can be challenging to know how to de-escalate the situation and restore calm. However, there are a variety of strategies that parents and caregivers can use to ensure the safety of everyone involved and promote emotional regulation. By staying calm and focused, providing validation and empathy, and teaching alternative coping strategies, you can help your child learn to manage their emotions in healthier ways.

1. Ensure Safety: When dealing with children who are experiencing heightened emotions, it is imperative to prioritize the safety of all parties involved. This includes creating a secure environment where the child can regain control, removing any potential weapons or harmful objects, and considering the well-being of any siblings.
2. Stay Calm and Regulate Your Own Emotions: As a parent, it is crucial to regulate your own emotions and remain composed during the child's outburst. Take deep breaths, maintain a relaxed posture, and speak in a soothing tone to create a sense of security and stability. It's important to remember that children often mirror their parents’ emotional state.
3. Provide Space and Time: When a child is in a highly dysregulated state, they may need some time and space to calm down. Step back if it's safe to do so and allow the child to have a moment to collect themselves. Offer reassurance that you are there for them when they are ready to talk or when they feel calmer.
4. Use Active Listening and Empathy: Once the child starts to calm down, actively listen to their concerns and frustrations without judgment. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and letting them know you understand their emotions. Use statements like, "I can see that you're feeling angry" or "It seems like you're really upset."
5. Validate Their Feelings: Validate the child's emotions by letting them know it's okay to feel angry, frustrated, or upset. Acknowledging their feelings can help them feel understood and reduce the need for further escalation.
6. Simplify and Clarify Communication: During highly emotional moments, children may have difficulty processing complex instructions or reasoning. Keep your communication simple and straightforward, using concise and direct sentences. Provide specific instructions on what behavior is expected.
7. Offer Alternative Coping Strategies: Teach the child alternative ways to manage their emotions and express their frustrations. Encourage deep breathing exercises, counting to ten, or engaging in a physical activity that can help safely release pent-up energy. Offer them a choice of appropriate coping strategies and guide them through the process.
8. Provide Distraction/Diversion: Sometimes, when dealing with an upset or escalated child, it can be challenging to manage the situation, especially if you’re in a public place or have other responsibilities. In these cases, it can be helpful to redirect the child’s attention to something more positive or engaging to help calm them down. For example, you can offer them a favorite toy, suggest a calming activity like reading a book together, or engage them in a conversation about a topic that interests them. This can help defuse the situation and create a more positive experience for both you and the child.
9. Shelve the Issue: “Let’s talk about this later” is a strategy to calm a situation down for several reasons. Firstly, it gives the child who is struggling time to calm down and reflect. Additionally, this technique lets others know that you are not ignoring the challenging behavior but rather addressing it at a more appropriate time. It is a useful technique that helps prevent power struggles in the moment, resulting in a win-win situation for all. You can even schedule a specific time and date when you'll discuss the concern again.
10. Avoid Power Struggles: Lastly, it's crucial to avoid power struggles or arguments with the child during their violent outburst. The goal is to help the child regain control and learn healthier ways to manage their emotions, not to prove a point.

By prioritizing safety, regulating your own emotions, actively listening and empathizing with the child, providing simple and clear communication, and offering alternative coping strategies, you can effectively de-escalate the situation and help the child regain control.